Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Saya Rindu Awak

Bangun pagi terdetik teringat dia
Rasa sunyi tiba tiba terasa
Sudut yang kecil di dalam hati dirasa
Terlihat gambaran wajahnya
Senyum masih ku ingat dari mukanya
Seakan masih terasa dia disisi ada

Malam kian jadi lebih gelap
Semakin lama semakin pudar menjadi bayangan
Ku tutup mata
Namun semakin jauh gambaran mu pergi
Wajahmu semakin pudar dalam memori

Ya Tuhan
Ku rindu dirinya
Sangat rindu akan dia
Tiada apa dapat dilakukan
Hanya berserah
Dan mendoakan kau sentiasa baik

Saya rindu awak


Monday, June 15, 2015

Lelahku Menanti "Kepulanganku"

Rindu ini takkan mati
Walaupun apa yang terjadi
Oh akankah sang mentari
Sampaikan cerita ku ini
Aku lelah dan teramat lelah
Menanggung beban sendiri
Aku lelah, Ku teramat lelah

Monday, June 8, 2015

I Lost Jazzy

When I arrive last night, the main gate of my house was widely open and so as the main door.. I was shocked and speechless. I can feel my heart likely to stop pumping. i giggles and I felt a very strong cold, flowing down to my end of feet. 
The house was robbed..oh my.. I am new in the area. not even almost a month stayin in the house. 
I used taxi service from KLIA..luckly.. when I saw my house was robbed, i cant think of any other but to go to police ststion. I ask the favor of the taxi guy to send me to police station.Thank God he is willing to help.. I owe him a lot for helping me last night. May Lord bless you and your family for your kindness.

I straight away went to make police report on the robbery. The policeman come and do some checking and investigation around 2am. since 3am I cant barely close my eye thinking of what had happened..
The key that I will let it go tomolo... the door knob kena cungkil oleh the penyamun... 
sakit hati bila tengok. macam rasa putus cinta dulu.. Jazzy, I will miss you so very much. Even now my tear starts to flood my face.

When I arrived home, Jazzy is already kidnapped... celaka punya penyamun..

I bought 1 unit Samsung 40" few days before I left to Miri... and now its gone too..celaka btul. dasar penyamun!!

Luckly my Astro decorder and DVD player is not stolen. and the speaker is still there. 

I dismantle my unifi set and gather them in the ikea do these unifi set, all are gone.

QMX 5963, this i think will be the last I talk about you. RIP Jazzy.

Yup... that penyamun is fucking darn homosapien. I work hard to earn Jazzy..klu nak berusaha la sungguh2 sendiri utk dpt mcm ni..jgn dok mencurik je dari orang..

yes..I cried... hatred starts assemble in my mind..I started to blame God for letting this to happen. I started to blame God for being away from me and my matters.... now I tend to feel down and my tought are fulled on negativity...
Owh goshhh..... I cant take this anymore. This is making me soo stressfull..
Please God, have Your mercy on me. I cant take this level of temptation any longer. I know I have no right to cast it away but I beg you God... Please help me..

Monday, April 20, 2015

just a drop of word

Photo: My view on my way to office
Its now its formally Monday. Got a lot of things in my mind. Can't really sort them all in proper folder in my head. All are tangled and strongly tied to each other. So much in my mind that I don't know how to release some of them so that it wouldn't be a burden for my brain.

My parent called me today and asked when will I fly back home. It was just silence and I myself don't really know what to answer.

One said "to find a better place, no matter how far you went, how high mountain you hiked, and how low you dug down the valley, home is still the answer for the place you looking for"

Its so very true. I do admit that. Its just that I have this other side of me thinking of the other way. I want to stay in a place just to start everything all over again and without influenced by the past. Can i really do that? Will i do that for my family? Will i put aside my family to start on things that in the end will only give benefits to only myself?

If I take it only for myself, I don't see the importance or the need of me to get back home. Like what is normally happened, whenever my parent call me, the first thing they will talk about is "problem this...problem that", "need to pay this....payment must be before this date", "$$$ here...debt $$ this to pay"...after all when things involved $$, i will hold my head and lean it on the wall and sometime bang it on the wall....and before I hang up then only the question "how are you there going..?" will be asked. fuhhh..right after you were struck by all the matters of problem, how will you answer the "how are you...?" question.... after all the pressures and matters to think of, what will you think will tell them... and then, just to (ambik hati) take good care of their heart, I only able to answer a simple word " I am good.."

Darn, how would I be good with that such amount of matters in my head. It haven't include my own problem, and sometime I really hope that suicide is allowed by God and if I hang myself or I jump from tall building or I cut my wrist and let me bleed to death, God will have His mercy to accept me to step with Him in heaven. However, its the opposite. Suicide is not the answer and God prohibit these action by His creation.

I didn't say that my parent are wrong. I just hope that they can approach me in other way that suit my situation. I wonder, do they ever think to try to understand my situation? Do they ever think on how am I doing so far? What I felt is when they start talking, felt like hit by the bullets from a machine-gun. And you only can receive order. You cannot talk back and order is an order. You betray the order means you will die.You have no right to talk back but only to listen to the order.

Sad right...yuppp..really sad. I am now in my 30's and I still hear the orders and the order of "dads always right.." . Since kid, I know most of his words are not the right things for me. But then "order is an order. No betrayal". That is why I like to get far away that I will not bond to the order. At least I can go offset for my own good. Foremost, I do still have to follow his word to show my respect or else, my tribe called it "parip". Parip is having bad luck of life or cursed for being dishonest and disrespect to the elder.

Some other thing I wonder, why can't my dad kepoh on my life like what he did to his niece and nephew and his siblings? why can't he understand his own kid. why didn't he kepoh by getting form for me to continue on my study before, like he did to his niece and nephew. My cousins are more lucky then me. My dad even drive himself to the office and took the Application form for my niece/nephew. But for me, did he ever do such thing for me??. when I was a kid, I still remember he even bought my cousin expensive colouring set when he only bought me Rm3 colouring set. And even when my cousin get married he will kepoh with all the wedding arrangement but during my sister wedding he became passive one.. there are more things happened to me and it made me think and wonder, maybe I am adopted. Adopted Kid...

Then maybe I should be thankful that I wasn't left on the street and died of ants bite.

Well... I guess, this is my test by God. Tears and pains are all have been felt. I hope I did well for this test. And I will say "please God..that's enough..Help me...". If I die, I hope God will accept me to His place that I've tried my very best to success this test.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Feeling From Distance

Photo of KL view in distance (Source from internet.)

Looking at the above picture, I never know that every morning (monday to friday) I am now looking at the Menara KL and KLCC every day on my way heading to my office. Never in my plan nor in my mind, especting myself to walk to the bus stop, and transit to lrt train and standing inside the lrt train towards LRT Ampang Park station. I just cant believe this happening now. Far beyond my own will, I am now starts working in KL headquarters.
The environment is really differ from KK. What I mean is, the traffic, the people surround, the building as well as their structures, the air I breath (kind of lack oxygen supply and suffocated with carbon dioxide).
I remember the time when me and my friend in the office get stressed, and what often we do is, after work we head to Tanjung Aru beach and lepak at the Sugarbun until 7pm/8pm. Feeling the air, the sand and the waves really pull yourself out of the stress. Further more, the beach is only about 5 - 10 minutes drive from my office/KK town. How fantamarbolous is life in KK right?.
However, I get to get back to my reality. I'm gonna change my way of thinking and my way of involving in work, my own activity as well as my own planning. Gotta improvise to blend-in with the new life. I will forever remember this quote ;

"when you are given a lemon, it might look like a bad present because of its sour taste, but instead of making it a junk, lets squeeze and peel it off to make an ice lemon tea..."

its a refreshing to have an ice lemon tea during the hot time...
Cheers guyz...

Thursday, May 8, 2014


I just don't know but this is what i feel. Since I came here, I am totally lost. Felt like being cast away and I couldn't do things like normal. My brain work differently. I cannot consentrate and do multi tasking work. I definitely lost and my focus dragged till no end.
Fuckin my brain ass... gotta do surgery to remove the brain. Living death like zombie but this time is without brain..
Source: my camera

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Sedetik aku terfikir

Seketika aku melayan fikiran ku yang bercelaru ini. Melihat keadaan ku kini, aku mula bertanya-tanya apa sebenarnya yg sedang aku cari dalam memenuhi rongga-rongga kehidupan ku di sini yang bergelar kuala lumpur.
Mahu dikatakan sedih, ya aku sedih kerana banyak yang aku tinggalkan ;kehendak diri, kawan2, dan yang paling penting aku kini berada dlm situasi d  luar daripada zon keselesaanku.
Kenapa perlu bermula lg? Sdgkan aku bertukar bukan kerana kenaikan pangkat. Apa yg akn menguntungkan aku untuk berada d sini.
"Kenapa?!!...kenapa aku?!!" Terjah hatiku yg telah terguris dan hanya mampu menahan sakit dan tidak mampu berbuat apa2.
Adakah mereka faham akn sengsara dan signifikan akan keputusan mereka terhadap emosi, fizikal dan kewangan aku sekarang?..aku tertanya dan hatiku mula suram mengenangkn kembali apa yg bakal berlaku d depan kehidupanku.
aku dan diriku