Thing to ponder...Where is the young man now?

I barely remember on what had happened to my young life. Believe it or not, i survived the moment whether in hard time or in easy time. Thinking back on what had happened 20 years ago, when I first left the house to go for matriculation. Even though it was just to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, but then I am amazed that I can go through all the time I am away from my parent. 

I felt very proud of myself on how I went to KK all by myself. First time flying in flight, first time going out of my comfort zone, first time away from family and first time to learn on other culture. People say "There is always first time in our life", so it was for me. Thinking about it now, I can't believe that I do able to finish my matriculation. Seeing how hard it takes, I can't believe how confident am I at any of my action and to finish my study. After the matriculation, I was sent to UKM, Bangi and so do the time, I am away from my family again for 3 years. Not a short time, but 3 years is quite a long time. To that moment, I felt very confident of doing things that I want to do. I don't scare of anything, and I can survive at any circumstances I am having. I never look back on thing that I did/made. I am very confident of my self and will finished my work perfectly.

But, to compare now and before, after 20 years, I felt that I don't have the same spirit like when I was young. I giggle and tend to feel scare of making decision, not confident of doing anything in my life and I tend to think on negative things to happened before it happen. 

I misses the man I was when I am young. Full of confident, brave, talented and skillful. Where did the young man go?? Is he dead?? Where is the man now?? After more than 20 years, what had happened to the young man??

Pertukaran dalaman

Hari ini merupakan hari ketiga aku memulakan pekerjaan ku di unit yang baharu. Sepatutnya Isnin yang lepas, sudah bertukar workstation..Namun, sebab menunggu surat pertukaran dalaman daripada pejabat, jadi aku membatalkan niat ku memindahkan barang pada hari isnin lepas. Hari selasa, merupakan secara formalnya aku bertukar unit. Sedih pun ada, gembira pun ada, berat hati pun ada, kecewa pun ada. Hatiku berbaur kacau dengan berbagai bagai emosi dan perasaan.

Walaupun baru hari ketiga, namun aku terasa seperti aku masih lagi berada di unit lama. Tiada apa yang membebankan sangat kerana nampak gayanya belom sibuk dengan tugasan hakiki. Aku hanya tersenyum dah menggeliat apabila kawan datang dan bertanya "sibuk ker??" Hahahahaaha

Aku tak la sibuk, cuma aku mula membaca beberapa laporan sebagai persediaan untuk menyiapkan laporan tahunan unit ku nanti. Tugasan luar belom lagi diterima, makanya bulan januari ini seolah olah bagaikan tempoh "honeymoon" bagi ku. Selepas ini, nah, tidak tahu bagaimana, dan jangan kau persoalkan kesibukan harian mu nanti.