Hakikat sebenarnya adalah PERANTAU...

Hai, selamat petang. Apa khabar kalian semua? Ada baik? Semoga baik baik sahaja la ya. Kita berdoa agar berkat Tuhan sentiasa ada untuk kita nikmati. Semoga berkat baik dari segi kesihatan, kewangan dan kesejahteraan hidup ada dirasakan oleh semua kita.

Blog petang ini bukan apa..saja je nak memenuhkan blog..walaupon sebenarnya ingin meluahkan perasaan. Sebenarnya ingin meluahkan perasaan :

Kenapa semakin lama, semakin ramai org ingin balik ke kampung halaman. Meninggalkan saya sendirian di sini. 

Hakikatnya, saya sebenarnya hanyalah perantau yang merantau dan meminjam bumi malaya ini untuk kelansungan hidup. Saya juga ingin balik..I want to go home too...Bila la agaknya saya diberi kesempatan untuk berada di kampung halaman sendiri....

Thing to ponder...Where is the young man now?

I barely remember on what had happened to my young life. Believe it or not, i survived the moment whether in hard time or in easy time. Thinking back on what had happened 20 years ago, when I first left the house to go for matriculation. Even though it was just to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, but then I am amazed that I can go through all the time I am away from my parent. 

I felt very proud of myself on how I went to KK all by myself. First time flying in flight, first time going out of my comfort zone, first time away from family and first time to learn on other culture. People say "There is always first time in our life", so it was for me. Thinking about it now, I can't believe that I do able to finish my matriculation. Seeing how hard it takes, I can't believe how confident am I at any of my action and to finish my study. After the matriculation, I was sent to UKM, Bangi and so do the time, I am away from my family again for 3 years. Not a short time, but 3 years is quite a long time. To that moment, I felt very confident of doing things that I want to do. I don't scare of anything, and I can survive at any circumstances I am having. I never look back on thing that I did/made. I am very confident of my self and will finished my work perfectly.

But, to compare now and before, after 20 years, I felt that I don't have the same spirit like when I was young. I giggle and tend to feel scare of making decision, not confident of doing anything in my life and I tend to think on negative things to happened before it happen. 

I misses the man I was when I am young. Full of confident, brave, talented and skillful. Where did the young man go?? Is he dead?? Where is the man now?? After more than 20 years, what had happened to the young man??

Pertukaran dalaman

Hari ini merupakan hari ketiga aku memulakan pekerjaan ku di unit yang baharu. Sepatutnya Isnin yang lepas, sudah bertukar workstation..Namun, sebab menunggu surat pertukaran dalaman daripada pejabat, jadi aku membatalkan niat ku memindahkan barang pada hari isnin lepas. Hari selasa, merupakan secara formalnya aku bertukar unit. Sedih pun ada, gembira pun ada, berat hati pun ada, kecewa pun ada. Hatiku berbaur kacau dengan berbagai bagai emosi dan perasaan.

Walaupun baru hari ketiga, namun aku terasa seperti aku masih lagi berada di unit lama. Tiada apa yang membebankan sangat kerana nampak gayanya belom sibuk dengan tugasan hakiki. Aku hanya tersenyum dah menggeliat apabila kawan datang dan bertanya "sibuk ker??" Hahahahaaha

Aku tak la sibuk, cuma aku mula membaca beberapa laporan sebagai persediaan untuk menyiapkan laporan tahunan unit ku nanti. Tugasan luar belom lagi diterima, makanya bulan januari ini seolah olah bagaikan tempoh "honeymoon" bagi ku. Selepas ini, nah, tidak tahu bagaimana, dan jangan kau persoalkan kesibukan harian mu nanti.

SOALAN TEKA TEKI...UJI MINDA ANDA

 SOALAN TEKA TEKI...UJI MINDA ANDA

S1. Berapa ekor ikan dalam gambar yang diatas.6 ekor? anda pasti?

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S2. Ada berapa bunga berwarna kuning di dalam gambar di atas? 6? Anda Pasti??

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S3. Jumlah nilai 9 X 9 = 81. Betul? Anda Pasti?

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S4. Batu apakah ini?

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.......... SeLaMaT MeNjAWAb SoAlan ..........

Aku Sering Tertidur

Disaat bumi masih gelap, alarm berbunyi tepat pada jam 6pg. Aku rasa berat sekali untuk membuka mata dan bangun dari katilku. "5 minit lagi". Detik hatiku. Aku perasan masa berlalu dengan cepat. Ku mula mengheret badanku masuk ke dalam bilik mandi dan air suam suam itu mula membasahi seluruh badan ku. Selesai mandi, aku keluar dan menuju ke arah sofa. Ku tutup aircond yang menghembus sejuk dan aku baring di atas sofa. Rasa seperti baharu 2 minit aku berbaring, tetapi rupa - rupanya aku telah tertidur selama 25 minit. Jam menunjukkan pukul 7.10 pagi. Aku mula berasa kesal sebab sebenarnya aku bercadang untuk bergerak awal dari rumah pagi ini. Tetapi akan kerana kemalasan yang kuat dalam diriku, masa terseret jauh dari rancanganku. "Alamak, baju tak iron lagi!!!" Itu yang aku ingat dengan apa yang berlaku pagi tadi. Aku mula bersiap dan turun ke tempat parking kereta. Aku menghidupkan enjin kereta dan lantas memecut ke pejabat.Akhirnya aku sampai ke pejabat pada pukul 8.22pg. Agak lewat juga kerana adanya kesesakan lalu lintas di beberapa tempat jalan raya.  

                                                              Gambar sekadar hiasan!!!

Sampai di pejabat, aku mula mengemas mejaku dan kemudian, aku mencapai beg galasku dan mengeluarkan : (sila jawab sendiri)

i) Xxxxxxxxx, dan

ii) Mmmmmmmm

Sesudah itu, aku terus makan sarapan dan kemudian membuka komputer mejaku.

"Ya Tuhanku" Detik hati dan perasaan ku yang kesal. Untuk membuka komputer meja ku, aku terpaksa menunggu hampir 30 minit untuk dibuka. Lagi kesal apabila komputer ku mengemaskini sistem komputer yang memakan masa hampir satu jam. Sedih dan pilu..penat menunggu, aku melabuhkan kepalaku di meja depan aku. Mataku mula berasa berat dan terasa ingin ditutup. Secara tidak sedar, aku telah tidur.....

SAMBUNGAN CERITA PART 2 PADA MASA AKAN DATANG...

Perasaan ku ketika ini

 Aku merasa sendiri dan seperti terkapai kapai di dalam duniaku sendiri. Aku melihat orang di sekelilingku, dan aku cemburu melihat mereka dikelilingi oleh orang dan ditemani oleh orang. Adakah aku memang dilahirkan untuk sentiasa sendiri? Aku sedar, untuk hidup di dunia ini, aku tidak boleh bersendirian. Ya, aku memerlukan orang lain untuk memenuhi keperluan dan kehendak perasaan / emosi / fizikal / batin diriku. Tetapi, kenapa aku sering sendiri? Kenapa aku sering direject oleh orang?

Tuhan, jika aku tidak berhak merasa untuk memiliki dan bahagia, pintaku cuma, JANGAN PERTEMUKAN AKU DENGAN SESIAPA dan JANGAN DEKATI AKU DENGAN SESIAPA ...mungkin aku hanya berhak untuk sendiri

~Jun 2022~

Feeling down sekarang ni....

Rasa down sangat sekarang ni. Rasa diri ini seperti tidak berguna dan rasa diri ini keseorangan. Tiada rasa gembira rasa di hati dan rasa gundah gulana serta serabut. Apakah yang menyebabkan semua ini terjadi? Rasa kurang keyakinan diri dan rasa rendah diantara rakan-rakan. Kadang-kadang rasa seperti terpulau dan tidak diendahkan. Emosi sangat sensitif dan mudah rasa terluka walaupun dengan kata-kata yang di dengar. Kenapa ini boleh terjadi? Apakah penyebab timbulnya rasa dan perasaan ini? Senang kata, rasa macam loser jer.....

Panggilan "Abang" ker?

Kian cepat masa berlalu..masa ibarat petir yang menyambar sekilat saat berlalu tanpa disedari..Hari berganti hari, minggu berganti minggu, bulan berganti bulan dan tahun berganti tahun...terasa amat cepat perubahan masa berlalu tanpa disedari, umur semakin meningkat dan bertambah tahun demi tahun.

Teringat lagi suatu masa dahulu, diri ini dibahasakan dengan panggilan adik. Kemana sahaja pergi pasti akan dipanggil adik. " Adik nak kemana?" "Adik dari mana" "Adik apa khabar?" Semua panggilan biasanya akan dibahasakan dengan panggilan adik.

Namun, pada hari ini, perbualan bahasa yang biasanya didengar sudah bertukar. Kini, apa juga yang dibuat, dimulai dengan panggilan "abang". Terasa kekok untuk mendengar dan terasa luar biasa untuk dihadam oleh otak. Namun, itu la kehidupan. Dulu digelar adik dan kini digelar abang.

Apabila digelar abang, rasa tanggungjawab itu semakin bertambah dan rasa sayang terhadap seseorang itu semakin dalam. Terasa bagaikan kehilangan apabila tidak mampu untuk melunaskan tanggungjawab yang terasa ditanggung. Matangkah aku untuk menyelesaikan masalah yang timbul?, atau matangkah aku dalam menjadi teladan kepada adik-adik ku?. Terasa amat berat jika difikirkan, namun kehidupan adalah sebuah sesi kitaran yang pastinya akan dialami oleh semua orang. Ibarat ulat beluncas yang akan menjadi kepompong dan akan bertukar menjadi rama-rama. Semua akan membesar dan lumrah dunia harus ditempuhi dengan sabar.

Wish You The Best

Its been months that I know you
Today only I have the strength to raise up my mind
I never humiliate nor insult you
For I accept the where you are
I do not look for perfection nor to judge you
You are you for who you are

I do care about you
I think a lot about you
I dream about you
And everyday I pray for you

I hope for the best for you
I pray for a bright future for you
You deserve someone better than me

Undiscovered Love

How can you love someone when you yourself never meet him/her?
How can you share your thought with someone who is a stranger in your life?
How can you talk about something when you yourself never know the same topic you two like each other?
How can you manage to stay awake with someone that you never know his/her willingness to stay awake with you together?
How can you be with someone when you don't even know his/her real name?
How can you sacrifice things for him/her when you even don't know if he/she is willing to do the same for you when you needed one?

How?
And yet, you still do it and never fail to keep on giving
Why?
You can just let it go if you want to,
But why?

Love is weird and be wise to love someone
Love is fancy that you can lost when you trapped in it
Love is kind, Love is great and Love is sweet

KuasaMu Terlebih Besar

KuasaMu Terlebih Besar

Chorus : G Em Kuasa-Mu terlebih besar, Tuhanku terlebih besar Am D G D Tak pernah terlambat janji-Mu ya Tuhan menolong hidupku G Em Kuasa-Mu terlebih besar, Tuhanku terlebih besar Am D Tak pernah terlambat janji-Mu ya Tuhan pulihkan hidupku G C/E G/D D7/C C Interlude 1 : Verse : G Bm C D7/C Hanya Kau Tuhan penolongku Bm Em A D Yang s’lalu setia bersamaku F E Am Cm Kasih-Mu yang sanggup mengubah kehidupanku G/D A/C# F D Sungguh ku berserah, sungguh ku percaya Chorus Cm Am Interlude 2 : Verse Chorus E♭/G Cm F B♭ Gm/A D Gm B♭/F C/E D D Interlude 3 : Bridge : C D7/C Bm Em Ku percaya Kau bekerja Am D G G7 Mendatangkan kebaikan di hidupku C D7/C Bm Em Ku percaya Kau bekerja Am D Am D D Mendatangkan kebaikan, mendatangkan kebaikan Chorus : Overtone

Assumption

Assumption

Things can be good or bad when we have assumption on one thing. Assumption is only a desire of having answer for an unanswered question we desperately want. Either the outcomes are good or bad, it depends on your luck. Good when it comes with good thing but unlike when your assumption went bad. It can bring a big damage to oneself and the effects can cause a big hole in your life and the person who you deal with. So, please, when ever you need an answer to your question, please confirm the answer and do not make any assumption to your answer.

10 Fun Facts

10 Fun Facts

1. You can’t see your ears without mirror.

2. You can’t count your hair.

3. You can’t breathe through nose, with your tongue out.

4. You just tried No.3.

6. When you did No.3 you realized that it possible, only you look like dog.

7. You are smiling right now, because you were fooled.

8. You skipped No.5.

9. You just checked to see if there is No.5.

10. Share this with your friends so they can have some fun too….

Have a nice day!...

Little lie

We tell ourselves little lie to feel better
We tell our friends little lie to make them feel better
And we repeat it often enough and starts believing it
Little lie often feed us to make us age gracefully
Not into our intention nor being pretty dramatic
Might be a feeling of scared to face the truth
Might even be stuck of not brave enough taking ground-breaking action
In conjunction of unleashing the way to a better life

Left with no choice, we barely can speak it out
Dare not to break the chain
A risk to gamble if only will be paid off
Little lie to ensure of giving comfort to one heart and feeling
Is it what we called love?
Is it enough to restrain the pain from the truth
Is it called sacrifice?
Will it help by letting lies to put them into ignorant

Terfikir akan sesuatu

gambar sekadar hiasan

How magnificent is our brain... Great is the creator who made it works in a very extraordinary ways. Unlike of an apps install in one device, brain works in very superb way. Things that is unreal can even become real to one person. How amazing does it function. I can't imagine seeing the combination effect when the brain work together with emotion. I guess. this is a situation where a person can't control from the outside but only involve inner way solution such as meditation, prayer etc. It is even hard to understand and me myself keep on asking questions about it. Why this..Why that..What if...What if not. Questions with no answer as for now.

Only God knows how it work. Great is He Awesome is Him.

Saya Rindu Awak

Bangun pagi terdetik teringat dia
Rasa sunyi tiba tiba terasa
Sudut yang kecil di dalam hati dirasa
Terlihat gambaran wajahnya
Senyum masih ku ingat dari mukanya
Seakan masih terasa dia disisi ada

Malam kian jadi lebih gelap
Semakin lama semakin pudar menjadi bayangan
Ku tutup mata
Namun semakin jauh gambaran mu pergi
Wajahmu semakin pudar dalam memori

Ya Tuhan
Ku rindu dirinya
Sangat rindu akan dia
Tiada apa dapat dilakukan
Hanya berserah
Dan mendoakan kau sentiasa baik

Saya rindu awak

#layanluahanperasaanjap
#klutaktahanbacajgnbacalagi

Lelahku Menanti "Kepulanganku"

 

 

Rindu ini takkan mati

Walaupun apa yang terjadi

Oh akankah sang mentari

Sampaikan cerita ku ini

 

Aku lelah dan teramat lelah

Menanggung beban sendiri

Aku lelah, Ku teramat lelah

 

 



I Lost Jazzy

When I arrive last night, the main gate of my house was widely open and so as the main door.. I was shocked and speechless. I can feel my heart likely to stop pumping. i giggles and I felt a very strong cold, flowing down to my end of feet. 

The house was robbed..oh my.. I am new in the area. not even almost a month stayin in the house. 

I used taxi service from KLIA..luckly.. when I saw my house was robbed, i cant think of any other but to go to police ststion. I ask the favor of the taxi guy to send me to police station.Thank God he is willing to help.. I owe him a lot for helping me last night. May Lord bless you and your family for your kindness.

I straight away went to make police report on the robbery. The policeman come and do some checking and investigation around 2am. since 3am I cant barely close my eye thinking of what had happened..

The key that I will let it go tomolo... the door knob kena cungkil oleh the penyamun... 

sakit hati bila tengok. macam rasa putus cinta dulu.. Jazzy, I will miss you so very much. Even now my tear starts to flood my face.

When I arrived home, Jazzy is already kidnapped... celaka punya penyamun..

I bought 1 unit Samsung 40" few days before I left to Miri... and now its gone too..celaka btul. dasar penyamun!!

Luckly my Astro decorder and DVD player is not stolen. and the speaker is still there. 

I dismantle my unifi set and gather them in the ikea plastik...so do these unifi set, all are gone.

QMX 5963, this i think will be the last I talk about you. RIP Jazzy.

Yup... that penyamun is fucking darn homosapien. I work hard to earn Jazzy..klu nak berusaha la sungguh2 sendiri utk dpt mcm ni..jgn dok mencurik je dari orang..

yes..I cried... hatred starts assemble in my mind..I started to blame God for letting this to happen. I started to blame God for being away from me and my matters.... now I tend to feel down and my tought are fulled on negativity...

Owh goshhh..... I cant take this anymore. This is making me soo stressfull..

Please God, have Your mercy on me. I cant take this level of temptation any longer. I know I have no right to cast it away but I beg you God... Please help me..

Feeling From Distance

Photo of KL view in distance (Source from internet.)



Looking at the above picture, I never know that every morning (monday to friday) I am now looking at the Menara KL and KLCC every day on my way heading to my office. Never in my plan nor in my mind, especting myself to walk to the bus stop, and transit to lrt train and standing inside the lrt train towards LRT Ampang Park station. I just cant believe this happening now. Far beyond my own will, I am now starts working in KL headquarters.

 

The environment is really differ from KK. What I mean is, the traffic, the people surround, the building as well as their structures, the air I breath (kind of lack oxygen supply and suffocated with carbon dioxide).

 

I remember the time when me and my friend in the office get stressed, and what often we do is, after work we head to Tanjung Aru beach and lepak at the Sugarbun until 7pm/8pm. Feeling the air, the sand and the waves really pull yourself out of the stress. Further more, the beach is only about 5 - 10 minutes drive from my office/KK town. How fantamarbolous is life in KK right?.

 

However, I get to get back to my reality. I'm gonna change my way of thinking and my way of involving in work, my own activity as well as my own planning. Gotta improvise to blend-in with the new life. I will forever remember this quote ;

"when you are given a lemon, it might look like a bad present because of its sour taste, but instead of making it a junk, lets squeeze and peel it off to make an ice lemon tea..."

its a refreshing to have an ice lemon tea during the hot time...
Cheers guyz...

 

 

 

F.O.C.U.S

I just don't know but this is what i feel. Since I came here, I am totally lost. Felt like being cast away and I couldn't do things like normal. My brain work differently. I cannot consentrate and do multi tasking work. I definitely lost and my focus dragged till no end.

Fuckin my brain ass... gotta do surgery to remove the brain. Living death like zombie but this time is without brain..

 

Source: my camera